Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
