mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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