dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
im on a boat
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