hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
