I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
