My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
