honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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