And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Come share oat with me in your robe
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
