her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
