is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sarcasm needs its own font
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
