my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he told me I talked like a deaf person
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
