that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
