May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
