Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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