M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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