im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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