I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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