He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
