I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i love accidental penises.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
