I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
