I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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