and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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