Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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