he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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