HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
