I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
