How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
