she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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