he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
