i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
