where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
