Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
