well I can't set my house on fire every night
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So vagazzling was a success
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
