everyone is single if you try hard enough
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
