1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
