She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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