thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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