dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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