just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
