Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
