Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
