Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
