Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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