If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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