Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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