im drinking this country out of the recession.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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