Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
