Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
