its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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