If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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