Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize