The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
