if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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