Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize