the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
