Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
