nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
