all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
