I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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