woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
