Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ugly people sure do ruin things
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
