we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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