mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
