once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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