Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
