I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
